


I will always hold you close (but I will learn to let you go)

by orphan_account, Paperadventures



Series: Tethered [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Azgeda!Clarke, Blood, Brutality, Drama, Enemies to Friends, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Minor Character Death, Injury Recovery, Major Character Injury, Strong Language, Treason, Violence, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-25
Updated: 2017-03-09
Packaged: 2018-09-02 04:18:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8650996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paperadventures/pseuds/Paperadventures
Summary: “You’ve grown so much, dearie.” Queen Nia speaks up with a wicked glint in her gelid blue eyes, smiling largely and showing her sharp white teeth in appreciation.Clarke looks back, face displaying all her passion and fierceness, and although the queen always treasures a good emotionless soldier, she knows that Clarke wears her heart on her sleeve. It is what makes her the best weapon against Lexa. Heda won’t be expecting Azgeda to fight with fire.or;AU where the dropship landed on Ice Nation territory and a year later Clarke is the champion chosen to fight against Lexa on the challenge.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there everyone! It's Lexark and Paperadventres back working again. So as some of you may have known, Lexark and I have been writing a lot lately on a lot of different works together and we have decided that we are going to post some of them as we go. I'm not sure how often this will be updated, but please let us know your thoughts on the plot and what you're hoping to see. As always, thanks for the read and have a great day!

“I promise I’ll do better

I will soften every edge

I’ll hold the world to its best

And I’ll do better

With every heartbeat I have left

I will defend your every breath

And I’ll do better”

 

* * *

 

 

Clear blue eyes watch as the drops of water fall on the ground. The sky is grey and clouded and she thinks it suits her mood.  Her right hand aches mildly for her last sparring match and she opens and closes her fist, as if testing her strength. It's nothing compared to the pain of her first injuries in training when she made the deal with the queen, though.

There are faint scars all over her knuckles and for a second she tries to remember what they used to look like before she fell to the ground.  With a blink, the thought and the frown are gone, and she resumes her blank, detached expression – the one she’s learnt from Azgeda _kwin_.

Her peace is interrupted by the familiar sound of Ontari’s boots on the ground and Clarke has to take a deep breath before turning to meet the girl. Clarke’s eyes wander over her face and she knows that despite her best efforts, Ontari still looks excited. Clarke can’t help but to smirk at that, almost imperceptibly.

In just a few hours they are going to be finally marching to Polis. Neither of them has ever stepped out of Ice Nation borders and Clarke can’t help but to feel the commotion rising inside of her. She knows how to contain it, though – better than Ontari, apparently.

The things is, she is curious. It’s in her DNA. She is a knowledge seeker – and that’s what makes her a great warrior. Azgeda is beautiful, but Clarke knows that there is more beyond this piece of land. She knows exactly just how little they all are compared to the extension of the earth.

 

“Ontari,” She greets the girl, eyes on the dark brown ones with chin up and hands behind her back. “Shio says that the horses are ready. Everything is packed up for tomorrow.” She informs in her duty voice as she steps away from the balcony.

 

The brunette nods her head once at Clarke's words and deep brown eyes search the sky girl's face for any traces of emotion about the journey they will be setting out on tomorrow.

It has been years since Nia has began plotting to gain her rightful place as leader of the 12 clans and Ontari can hardly believe that the day comes tomorrow when they will finally make their move.

Clarke has been among the Azgeda for over a year now, constantly training and improving. At first when she had arrived, she had been naive, but always strong and passionate. There are plenty of more experienced warriors that the queen could have chosen to be her champion, but none of them have the fire that Clarke has.

If she believes that the only way she can protect her people is through defeating Lexa, then Ontari is confident the girl will be able to accomplish her goal.

 

“Good. Now all you have to do is win tomorrow.” Ontari's voice holds the same sharpness as it always does, but it is rather clear that she is anxious despite her best efforts to remain uncaring.

 

If Clarke completed her duty then she will finally have her Ascension day that she's been trained for since the day the queen chose her. She lets out a deep breath, sheds the fur jacket that she has wrapped around her shoulders and she looks out of the balcony of the castle where the queen and her guest stay. There is a beautiful view of the mountains and the snowy forest and she sighs quietly.

 

“Are you ready for tomorrow?” Her tone is less harsh and more tired now, and she reaches up to wipe some dirt off of her face feeling the familiar scars carved into her forehead and cheeks.

 

Clarke bows her head once at Ontari's words and like the girl, she too gazes up to look out of the balcony. It’s a sight that she now associates with home and it somehow soothes her worries. The forest and the mountains are something constant and steady and she knows that despite the climate changes, they are unmoving.

She can feel the Ontari’s anxiousness and she understands it. She knows the importance of her win for the girl, and what it means for her. While Clarke is going to fight for her people to have the chance to be fully accepted on the ground, Ontari will be fulfilling her destiny to be Heda and Azgeda will finally flourish.

 

“I’ve been ready for months.” Clarke replies with a bit of harshness before sighing deeply and softening her tone. “Trikru will fall, Ontari.”

 

She watches as the girl wipes dirt off her face and her eyes linger on the scars. It’s something she’s used by now, and Nia has offered her to carry Azgeda marks as well. She denied it, claiming that despite being a part of Azgeda, she is Skaikru first.

 

“Are you ready to be Heda?” She raises a curious eyebrow, watching the girl closely, noticing the change of posture as soon as Clarke mentions the title.

 

Personally, she has her doubts about Ontari being a leader. She is fierce, yes, but she lacks… Something. It used to bother the sky girl, but now, after knowing Ontari and queen Nia’s story, she supports them and she will gladly bow to her once she has ascended.

 

Ontari lets out a deep breath and closes her fist, digging her nails into her palm.

 

“Yes, I'm ready.” She nods her head and gazes over at Clarke, taking the girl in. When the blonde had first arrived, Ontari had hated her. She hated the competition she felt towards her for the queen's attention and she hated how the queen would give Clarke freedom that she was never allowed to have.

 

And the queen never hurt Clarke. When Clarke will talk back to her or refuse her, the queen will scold her and get angry, but it's nothing compared to the things the woman has done to Ontari, so for a long time she resented the sky girl for it. Now though, she has grown at peace with it. She has decided to tell herself that the queen is so harsh to her only because she loves her and she is important. It is easier than thinking the alternative.

 

“When I am Heda, Azgeda will flourish. My loyalty will always lay with my queen.” Her voice is quiet and almost mechanical like she has said that exact same phrase over and over again since the day the queen took her as a child for her nightblood.

“Lexa is selfish and she is weak. She cares only for Trikru. After I have ascended all the clans will bow to us.” Her eyes land on Clarke and she gives her the slightest little hint of a smile. “We will leave early before the sun rises so we can be the first ambassadors there. It will be a long ride. Us, the queen, and one guard will come. Be smart and remember there is a no weapons rule in Polis.”

 

Clarke hums and shares a look with Ontari as she smiles back at the girl. They do make a good team when they work together. It wasn’t easy in the beginning, with Ontari always scolding at her for whatever reason she had back then. But now they know their limits, they know how to move in sync on the battlefield and to respect each other’s space outside of it.

Clarke has actually learnt a lot from the girl once they have established a camaraderie. She still doesn’t like how submissive she is to the queen though, as if she has no love for herself when the woman is around.

It irks the sky girl, but she doesn’t think much about it. She has learnt how to keep her thoughts to herself and to know how to mind only her and her people’s business. Everything else is just not her problem. (No matter how much her fingers itch to move, to help and fix everyone and everything).

She nods at Ontari’s warning and she knows the girl is somehow trying to look out for her. She is grateful for that. But she hates the rule about not having weapons in Polis. It leaves them too vulnerable for whatever Lexa wants to do. (And Clarke almost grunts loudly at the thought of this girl she’s learnt to despise).

She has discussed this issue with Bellamy. He too agrees with her that it is too risky to go there and challenge Lexa without knowing the outcome – and without how to defend themselves. The stories she’s heard about this ruthless, cold hearted commander only makes Clarke feel like they would be too exposed. Who is to say that Lexa won’t just laugh and kill them all?

 

“One guard?” She questions with a perfect eyebrow raised. Not only they will be unprotected, but outnumbered as well.

 

She shakes her head and starts to pace slowly, with firm steps. “It would be better to have at least three.” She stops by the balcony, lips curling down in distaste. “Although I know how it would look like for them to see us so well guarded. If Lexa is that smart, she will know our intentions in one look.”

 

She curls her fingers into a fist and works her jaw hard. She won’t be entering Lexa’s land without at least a knife.

 

Ontari listens to what Clarke is saying and she lets out a deep breath before shaking her head slightly.

 

“I know, Clarke. None of us like it, but carrying a weapon into Polis is punishable by death. Our guard is only allowed to come because we need protection on the ride into the capital.” Ontari tries to explain the best she can despite never having gone there herself. She remembers having a similar talk with the queen a few months ago and Nia explaining to her how risky it is.

“Lexa has all her guards stationed around Polis and within the tower when she holds assemblies. If one of them suspects you of having a weapon then you will be searched and arrested.” The young nightblood plays with a strand of her dark hair absently and let's out a deep sigh. She considers how if all goes well, she will be fighting the others in the conclave next night.

“Lexa isn't stupid. You will need to watch what you're doing in the fight tomorrow and you can't underestimate her. She has no limits as to how far she will go to win. You have been training every day though. Since she's busy with her duties, she doesn't often have time to train. I believe you can win.”

 

Ontari's advice is genuine and she wraps her jacket back around her shoulders to protect her from the cold breeze that is blowing in from the mountains.

She thinks about the conclave and how Nia has taught her to fight specifically for that moment, but she also considers how well-trained Lexa's nightbloods likely are and she knows that she will do anything to win, no matter how horrible.

Clarke works her jaw and she doesn’t meet Ontari’s eyes because yes, she knows about all of that. She knows about the rules, she knows she can’t carry a weapon inside Polis, although Lexa’s guards will surely be well protected – a thought that makes the sky girl growl – and she knows she can win.

Still, she won’t be stepping in Trikru land without a single weapon. She is Jake’s daughter indeed, she thinks. Stubborn and strong minded just like him – And the voice in the back of her head remembers her how exactly his path ended because of those traits.

She hums and nods slowly because she appreciates the faith Ontari has on her. They both know that Lexa didn’t get where she is by being weak, and it’s a true praise for her to hear that both the _kwin_ and the nightblood trust her with their main plot to defeat Heda.

 

“I believe I can win, too.” She says proudly, chin tipped up as she welcomes the chilly wind. “Lexa is tired and most of her warriors are injured from their battle against the _maunon_. It should be easy to take them out while they are still on their knees.”

She then turns to the black haired girl with a wicked smile. “No mercy for the soulless.”

 

Ontari gives Clarke a very small little smile and nods her head once.

 

"No mercy for anyone." She repeats the words they have been taught so many times, again and again by the queen and the warriors. Ice Nation seconds are taught from a young age that mercy is never rewarded. It is a show of blatant cowardice and weakness that will not be tolerated. That is why their warriors are so powerful, because they are completely ruthless.

 

She lets out a deep breath and looks at the sun as it sinks down, partially blocked by the mountain tops.

 

“You should get rest. It will be a long day tomorrow for all of us.” Her dark brown eyes scan over Clarke and she nods her head, bringing her hands behind her back to symbolize a position of power, bringing her back to her more formal cover as her lips pull into a tight line.

“Until tomorrow, Clarke,” The nightblood speaks up and takes one last glance at the beautiful horizon in front of them before turning to begin walking back to her chambers.

 

She already knows the night will be long and sleepless, but she goes to bathe and rest, hoping she can somehow mentally prepare herself for the changes that the next day will hold.


	2. Chapter 2

Despite the morning still being cold and dark from the early hour, Ontari and Nia are clearly ready to get moving. They have been waiting years for this exact moment and their anticipation betrays them.

Clarke is already by the horses when Ontari, the queen and her guard shows up. She was able to sleep the night before, but it was restless and full of nightmares. Still, she is awake and alert as always.

The  _ kwin _ passes by and they exchange a look. Clarke nods, as if saying that she is ready. That she can trust her.

That Lexa will fall by her hands.

Queen Nia smirks then, eyes glistening with proud, and she stops by Clarke to place a cold hand on her cheek. The blonde doesn’t flinch anymore when she feels the sharp nail digging on her jaw, knowing by now that this is the way the woman shows… Affection, for a lack of better word.

 

“You’ve grown so much, dearie.” She says with a wicked glint in her gelid blue eyes, smiling largely and showing her sharp white teeth in appreciation.

 

Clarke looks back, face displaying all her passion and fierceness, and although the queen always treasures a good emotionless soldier, she knows that Clarke wears her heart on her sleeve. It is what makes her the best weapon against Lexa. Heda won’t be expecting Azgeda to fight with fire.

 

“ _ Mochof, ai kwin. _ ” She bows her head slightly and respectfully with a small smile on her lips. “I’m honored to be the chosen one.”

As always, Ontari watches with a stony face as the queen praises Clarke. She stays silent unless directly spoken to by the woman because she knows her place and doesn't dare challenge that.

She watches Nia nod her head at Clarke's words and pat the girl lightly on the cheek before turning her back so she can stride towards the horses.

Their guard is already mounted and wears his swords on his belt, the steed under him stomping impatiently as if it can feel the tension in the air.

Ontari takes the reins of the queen's horse to hold it still as the woman climbs up into the saddle and the nightblooded girl looks up at the animal, stroking it's face gently. As it breathes out, the cold air causes it's breath to fog on the air and Ontari just watches thoughtfully.

The nightblooded girl doesn't smile, but she somehow softens as she watches the stallion and strokes over the animal’s forehead. Though at first look the girl seems ruthless with her scars and fierce features, she can be gentle too. 

Watching in rare unguarded moments it's easy to imagine that the brunette might have turned out much differently if given the opportunity.

As soon as the queen steps away to mount on her horse, Clarke steps close to hers and like Ontari, she strokes it’s face gently before mounting on it as well.

It took the blonde a few failed attempts to get used to mount a horse when she came to the ground. She was always too tense to be around the animal in the beginning, until she fell in love with Soncha, the beautiful white horse she is straddling now.

She waits for the guard to lead the way, followed by Ontari and Nia respectively, and only then she rides behind them, guarding their backs with sharp and attentive eyes.

She knows the ride will be long and tiresome. They will probably reach Polis in the end of the day, after the sun is set and the moon is up. She hopes, then, that the darkness will make it easy for her to keep her switchblade hidden on her thigh without Lexa’s guards knowing.

If they catch her, though, she could always play the innocent sky girl. Too dumb to follow the rules of the ground.

With a very quiet sigh, Clarke decides to pay attention to their path, making some mental notes and appreciating the changing of view and how the air goes from gelid to cool as they gradually approaches Polis borders.

It takes them a few long hours until she can make the sight of the buildings – and it takes the girl aback because she didn’t know that such constructions were still up after earth destruction.

She wasn’t expecting such a breathtaking sight. And it makes everything more heavy. More  _ real _ .

She is sure that if she closes her eyes, she can imagine the people walking around the buildings, busy with their own life. The noise of life around the streets and the buzz of the cars and the light of the lamps and… She blinks and shakes her head, waking up from her daydream.

She scolds at herself and averts her eyes to the back of Nia’s head, remembering that she has a duty to fulfill.

The queen leads the way confidently out of Ice Nation territory and through the mutual zones for travel until polis is within view. It is a long tiresome ride but they don't take breaks because she much rather just get there and then eat and rest afterwards.

Ontari remains gazing around at all the new land and sights because she has never been in the Capitol before and seeing it is almost surreal. Polis has a large boundary around it and as they continue to walk down the path they are on, a big metal sign posted to the right of them catches the guard and Nia's attention, making them pull to a halt.

 

_ 'Polis border: No weapons past this point _ .'

 

The guard reaches to his belt to pull out his sword and knife, tossing the two most obvious weapons to the ground at the edge of the forest that surrounds them. Ontari does the same, pulling out her dagger from her thigh to toss it aside into the grass, just hoping that it will still be there when she goes to retrieve it.

 

Clarke sets her jaw hard when she sees the metal sign and she tosses her sword on the ground as well, keeping her blade safely hidden on her thigh. 

Nia herself didn't bring anything so she gazes at Clarke then the others, but when no one says anything, she nods her head.

 

“Come then. Just another hour or so and we will reach the meeting tower.” Her icy eyes gaze over her group and she points up to where the tip of the commander's chambers can be seen. “This is where we will be meeting.” She informs the two girls behind her with a satisfied smirk and nudges the horse on again, taking up a pace that will hopefully get them there soon.

 

Ontari gazes over at Clarke and she has a glint to her dark brown eyes as they continue forward.

 

As they ride into what once was a city, the destructed buildings replaces the trees. Clarke can make out the shape of crumbled and burned houses, and she can hear the noise of people talking and working.

It makes her freeze for a moment because the whole place feels /alive/. There are kids running by the streets and merchants working on trades and there is so much food, and colors, and warmth on display that Clarke has to blink a few times to adjust to the discrepancy between Azgeda style of life and Trikru’s.

She wasn’t expecting this. She was expecting a dead morbid land, with fearful people and guards watching their every step. Not… Not to hear the laugh of a child. Not a smile on the old man as he works on his trade, showing his artefact around.

 

Clarke doesn’t know how to feel about all of that. Overwhelmed, maybe.

 

She presses her lips in a thin line because she feels that familiar sensation again. The one that bothers her at night, remembering her that there is a whole unknown world beyond Azgeda’s gates.

 

Ontari seems surprised by the shift in mood as well and she keeps her lips pursed, remaining close to the queen. People move out of their way and a few people give them calculated gazes as they ride by because they are Ice Nation and that is the one clan that had always been known for causing problems.

Ontari doesn't back down from any eyes as they land on her and she keeps her chin held high, clearly proud to be from Azgeda.

Even as they grow closer to the Polis tower there are still many people moving around the streets. Unlike the ice nation guards, no one seems to fear the ones in the Capitol. They speak with them as they pass by the the men speak among each other while the children dash around them playing games of tag and hide and seek.

It's all very foreign and Ontari tries to remember all of this. Several guards look up when they see queen Nia and the others riding forward and they nod their heads as a stiff son of respect. Many times, ice nation won't even come to the ambassador meetings so when they do, the other clans have learned that it often means something.

 

Ontari is one of the first to dismount, followed by the queen, Clarke, and the other warrior that accompanied them.

Two much younger looking Trikru warriors step forward, likely Seconds, to take the animal's reins as an offer to lead them over to the stables and Nia nods in acceptant before allowing the tired animals to be brought to get watered and rested.

 

“Up this way. We can escort you to the chambers you will be staying in tonight.” One of the senior guards offers and nods for the group to follow them in, clearly watching them closely to inspect them for weapons or anything off putting.

 

Clarke keeps her mouth shut, but her curious eyes wander around them as they steps into the building. If she thought the sight from afar were breathtaking, she doesn’t have the right word to describe what it is like to be inside the tower.

There is paintings hanging on the walls and every room smells good and she can hear people murmuring around, maids and guards and everything feels… Lighter somehow. And Clarke can’t help but to compare to her home in Azgeda and how this all seems better.

But then, Azgeda would probably look better too if Lexa was a fair commander. She sneers at that thought and she scolds herself again for get caught in the beauty of the place. She knows it’s probably a mask to hide the ugliness of Lexa’s reign.

 

Each of them is led to a private room on the same corridor after they come out of the elevator – it was a strange and new feeling to be inside the little moving box, but she liked it. She approves the disposition of the rooms, knowing her chamber is close to both the queen and Ontari’s, and she would be able to protect them if something goes wrong. Still, she makes sure to step into each room to make sure it’s really empty before settling on her own.

It’s good to finally be alone and she lets her bags fall by the end of the bed. She relaxes instantly as she steps around the room to get familiar to the vast different and exquisite objects. She hums throatily, stepping closer to a sculpture and she let herself observe it for a long period of time. There isn’t much art around Azgeda.

 

She is interrupted by a knock and then a Trikru guard appears by the door, making the blonde tense immediately. “Dinner will be served in two hours. Heda will be waiting for you then.” He says gruffly and Clarke nods sharply before he steps out and closes the door behind him.

 

So she has two hours free. She gazes the bed for a second, deciding if she should rest or not. Her excitement of being in Polis is keeping her up and too awake to nap, though, so she steps into the balcony instead.

The view is nothing like Azgeda’s, but its just as beautiful. It’s… Green. So green that Clarke’s fingers itch for her to paint it. She shakes her head at the thought and let her eyes wander around for a few minutes until she’s mapped everything.

Satisfied with it, she turns to look around her room again until she has everything memorized; until starts to fidget with curiosity about just how many rooms and how large this building actually is; until she convinces herself that it would be okay for her to go outside and snoop around.

 

\--

 

Inside the library smells like old paper and ink, and it's one of Lexa's favorite scents. The Commander breaths in deeply and runs her fingers through her hair, still damp from the bath that she had taken just a little bit earlier. She is wearing comfortable thin clothes and her long brown locks are tied up in a loose bunny keep them out of her face so they don't disturb her.

The perfume of her favorite soap clings to her skin and it helps to relax her as she thinks about everything that needs to be done today now that the ambassadors are here.

Unless there is a major problem, they usually only come once a month, but Lexa hates it every time. It is so much added stress and pressure to make sure everything is perfect, especially after the mountain defeat just last month.

The memories of taking down the mountain still haunt her and she sets her jaw, lifting her hand to trace the spines of the book as she walks through the library chambers to try to relax and clear her mind before dinner with the ambassadors. Azgeda included.

It had been a harsh, violent fight, and many warriors including herself had been injured by it. Still her back pains her from the the blows she had received during her fights and her right shoulder is stiff even though the aching has finally faded and she's been able to resume training again slowly.

She brushes the dust from the old books as she walks through the shelves and gazes around quietly, her tired green eyes reading over the familiar titles.

 

On the outside, Clarke steps carefully around the corridors, memorizing everything like always. She wander around large empty rooms by herself – although she suspects she is being followed from afar from one of the guards. Her feet carries her to a large cracked door and she looks at it curiously with her head tipped to the side before she barges in, as if she owns the place.

She is surprised to find that it is library. Enormous shelves shape the place with a hundred books each. She can smell the dust and the ink and the /time/. She can sense in the air just how old those books are, not just by the look of them, but by the way they are settled against each other and by the mood it creates.

She feels like she just walked in a time travel machine and she is visiting the 90’s. Or the 00’s. She isn’t sure.  

There isn’t much illumination in there, but the windows and the lightened candles work just right. She thinks the darkness suits the place.

Her blue eyes gazes around with wonder in them. She steps into the room, hands up and fingertips touching the books, gathering dust under her digits as her eyes reads the vast titles until she finds the one. Romeo and Juliet.

She stops for a second before taking it from the shelf and running a hand over the cover, cleaning it carefully. Her father used to read it for her mother.

Clarke’s eyes wrinkle a bit and her breath shudders. She can almost, almost hear Abby grunting and rolling her eyes fondly as Jake recites the memorized lines and paragraphs with a teasing large smile on his face.

 

\--

 

Lexa isn't disturbed when she hears the door to the library opening because she supposed that it can be a guard or a maid, but it is rather rare that they ever come in here. Her eyebrows furrow slightly and she looks through the shelves to get a glance at a woman with blonde hair a pale skin who is near the entrance with a book in her hand gazing over it.

Technically, the library is not off limits to the guest, but no one ever comes in to look around because it is nothing but books, and that is why Lexa always comes here to be alone.

Lexa's steps are quiet as she turns on her heel to walk over in the direction of the girl who is standing and holding one of her beloved books. She walks up behind the girl who seems to be focused on the cover and she speaks up carefully.

 

"That's a good one." Her voice is soft but eyes calculating and she has a very slight fond smile. "It was written before the war and it survived in a bunker until a few warriors found it." Lexa speaks naturally in trigedasleng and gauges this unfamiliar girl's reaction to being approached.

 

Based off of the fur coat she has on, it's safe to assume that the person in front of her is Ice Nation, but she's slightly off-put because the girl in front of her does not carry the familiar scars that most Azgeda warriors do.

 

Clarke is surprised by the gentle voice that cuts the silence, but she doesn’t flinch nor move. She keeps her eyes on the cover of the book as she listens carefully to the speaker before placing it back on it’s place and finally turning to face the one who caught her.

She is met with a girl. Slightly taller than her. Slim, defined jaw and high cheeks. Deep green eyes and brown hair up in a bun, exposing her thin neck. She isn’t in guards clothes, so Clarke takes her as a maid. A beautiful one.

Her trigedasleng is impeccable and Clarke notices that the cadence is a bit different from how it is spoken by the Azgeda people. It feels more genuine, somehow.

 

She muses about not giving the girl an answer, staying still for long seconds before tilting her head very slightly to the side and nodding slowly. “Too bad the characters aren’t much of survivors.” She says eventually, her trigedasleng a bit off and not as smooth as a native would speak.

Her blue eyes wander over the girl curiously then, taking her in properly now and not caring that she is clearly staring. “Am I trespassing?” She asks when she meets the girl’s eyes again.

 

Lexa raises her eyebrows and listens to Clarke's reaction calmly. She had been expecting the girl to turn around and instantly apologize, bow, or at least dip her head in respect, but the warrior in front of her does nothing and so Lexa just meets her eyes, never breaking their gaze.

When Clarke speaks, she instantly picks up on the accent that the girl holds. It's that of someone who speaks  _ gonasleng _ and the only group of people she's ever heard as native English speakers are the mountain men, so it makes her flinch back without meaning to while the blonde watches her and takes her in.

She also carries the sharper way of speaking that the Azgeda have and so Lexa instantly pieces together her thoughts and is hit with an unlikely but interesting conclusion.

A year ago, one of her warriors undercover in Azgeda had spoken with her about a new group of people coming to stay on the queen's territory.

The man had said that they speak English and they were children. She figured the new people were just rouges who were cast out of another area and needed a place to stay so they agreed to bow to Queen Nia.

Now though, as she stares into piercing blue eyes and sees the way the girl holds herself, she can't help thinking that there is something unique about her. That maybe, she is Skaikru like her friend Raven. The girl did inform her about the first drop ship, but they did know nothing about where it might have landed. Now though, she realizes that it was on Azgeda territory.

Lexa tries to get back her train of thought and she speaks up.

 

“I think there is something beautiful about the tragedy of it all. It starts so pure but it escalates and breaks. I think it's realistic. Aren't tragedy's the only realistic stories we have?” She raises one of her high brows then shrugs off her own suggestion.

“And no. You're not in trouble. It is just not often that people come in here and you surprised me.” Lexa speaks carefully because she knows that this girl might not realize who she is and she can most definitely use that to her advantage.

 

Clarke’s eyes wrinkles again at the girl’s reply and she purses her lips in thought for a moment, considering her words. She assumes her usual posture, then. Hands behind her back, chest up, exposed and proud, and shoulders squared. It’s something she does unconsciously when she knows she is being watched – especially by a stranger.

 

“I believe so, too” She says with a small nod. “Although not beautiful. There is no beauty in loss or pain.” She is absolute on her affirmation as her words carries meaning. She then remembers her father and her mother again and she finally averts her eyes to some point over the brunette’s shoulder. She can almost hear Jake’s voice telling her that ‘we make our own story, that there is no such thing as only one path to follow’.

“I also believe that we are responsible for our own stories. It’s what we do after the tragedies that counts and defines us.” She shrugs and meets the green eyes again. “Sometimes it’s all about choices, isn’t it?”

  
Lexa clearly wasn't expecting such an eloquent reply from the girl so she just stays quiet for a moment letting the words sink in. They resonate with her on a level deeper than she would like to admit so she clears her throat and tries to shake the thought out of her mind.

 

Clarke then turns her back to the girl again to face the shelf and the books, fingers caressing some covers and spines and she nods when she is informed that she is not in trouble. The thought makes her touch her thigh where her blade is tucked absently and she doesn’t think twice about her slip, not even noticing what she is done until the girl behind her shifts.

She blinks and freezes, tensing up and holding her breath as if waiting for the girl to say or do something. She doesn’t even know if the girl noticed her movement, but she knows that there is always, always a possibility of things going wrong.

Lexa notices how the girl turns her back casually and reaches down to fiddle with her pockets, which draws Lexa's attention. She carries a blade on her often and when she hides it, she keeps it in the same place the girl is messing with; the little pocket on her right thigh.

The thing that gives the blonde away is how quickly she freezes when she notices Lexa's eyes on her. She watches how she turns calculatingly as if to see what Lexa gazes at and Lexa raises her eyes to meet the blue ones, raising her eyebrows slightly.

She notices that the blonde likely have a blade hidden and yet she just adverts her eyes to make her posture less challenging and she lets out a deep sigh, deciding to stay quiet.

 

If Azgeda wants to make a move against her, then let them. She will allow the girl in front of her to make whatever choice she pleases by herself, because for all she knows, the dagger might just be for protection.

 

Clarke would have swallowed hard if the girl’s eyes weren’t on her, so she keeps her face neutral as they stare at each other for a moment. It feels like time was suspended during those seconds, but then when the brunette doesn’t say anything, seemingly not have noticed that she has a blade on her thigh, Clarke let herself relax again. The girl is probably just a maid, indeed.

 

“So, you are an Ice Nation ambassador, yes?” Lexa questions and walks over to the window where a dim light shines through. It is cloudy so the room is darker than usual. “You have a nice accent.” Lexa continues to speak in trigedasleng and she wonders if the blonde will pick up on how she's already recognized that she isn't a native speaker. She's not being aggressive per say, but she's curious.

 

Blue eyes follow the girl, noticing just how she walks in slow but steady steps, hands on her back just like Clarke. She has a fit body, the blonde notices as her eyes travel’s the girl’s torso and it takes her a moment to reply.

 

“I came with the queen and her ambassador, but I’m just a warrior.” She says, deciding go with the truth as she follows the girl and stands by her left side.

 

She smells nice, Clarke notices now that they stand close. Under the light, she can see the damp hair and she detailed brows and the freckles that covers the girl’s cheeks. She looks soft, but guarded. Mysterious, even.

 

She can’t help but to smirk, picking up at the curious tone in the question. It’s almost teasing, and Clarke almost chuckles. “Trigedasleng can be tricky,” She says in English, pushing to see if the girl can recognize the dead language.

 

Lexa relaxes slightly when Clarke comes to stand beside her because it seemed she has the girl's curiosity and will be able to speak with her for a while.

When the blonde breaks into speaking English, Lexa doesn't pause or hesitate before speaking to her in the language, not even seeming to be surprised or struggling.

 

“Yes, I would assume it is.” She speaks quietly and thoughtfully, turning to look at Clarke as if really taking her in for the first time. She has high cheek bones a pale skin that looks beautiful in contrast to her eyes. She's strong and seems like she is getting taken decent care of despite the scars that mark her visible skin.

“Were you taught English as your native tongue from where you come?” Lexa's eyebrows furrow as she ask the question, though she already suspects she knows the answer. In case she's wrong, she refuses to say something that she shouldn't.

 

The way Lexa speaks English is extremely formal and she has a noticeable accent, but it's correct. She's been taught it since she was a child, when she was taken by Titus for her nightblood. He taught her the  _ gonasleng _ because every Heda must know the language, and it was useful to understand the mountain men.

Clarke purses her lips when Lexa replies her in rich English. She does carries a light accent to it, but it’s well spoken and it makes the blonde warrior wonder how a simple maid can know the dead language.

She then comes to realization that she may be one of the ambassadors from some other clan. Or maybe she is just a maid who likes books and loves to learn. She frowns slightly because she is curious, but she can’t prod.

  
  


“The queen usually has little trust in those who are not native to Azgeda so you are lucky that she trust you enough to let you come with her.”

 

“Yes,” Clarke replies with a nod as memories of the Ark comes to her mind. She licks her dried lips at the brunette’s observation about Nia and she raises an eyebrow, turning her face to look at the girl. “I’m good enough, I suppose.” She says, not modest at all, as if just stating a fact.

 

With the possibility of this girl being an ambassador, she can feel herself tensing again, despite their easy and interesting chat. This is something she wasn’t expecting to happen, but she can’t really back down now.

 

“I don’t think the queen really trusts someone beyond herself, though.” She continues bluntly, sharing a private but truthful thought. She isn’t worried that it might reach Nia’s ears because she herself have told the same thing to the queen’s face once. When the girl meets her eyes, they share a knowing and very small smile at that before her expression fades into her neutral again. “Are you Trikru?”

 

Lexa has to admit that she's impressed with how confident the blonde is and she bites her lip at the question of where she comes because she has to hold back laughter. As well trained as this girl may be, she still has the disadvantages of being on her first time in Polis.

 

“Yes, I'm Trikru.” Lexa admits with something akin to amusement. She has to admit that out of all the Azgeda warriors she's spoken to, this one has to be her favorite. She's less emotionless and more open than the others have been.

 

Lexa parts her lips like she might speak but before anymore words come out she hears Titus' voice in the hall calling for her as he walks by, obviously having just come from her chambers and not happy that she isn't getting ready to host the dinner. He wants her to practice what she is going to be talking about because since the Ice Nation is here he says that it is very important she shows her strength.

She lets out a deep sigh and pinches the center of her nose.

 

“I'm sorry, you must excuse me.” She sounds exasperated and is clearly not in the mood for whatever she is going to do. “Titus, I'm coming!” She calls out and starts to stride towards the library door but throws a glance over her shoulder at Clarke.

“I will see you at the ambassadorial dinner then?” With a polite nod she excuses herself from the room without waiting for Clarke's response and shuffles down the hallway to find Titus so they can discuss what he needs.


	3. Chapter 3

Clarke stills when she hears a male voice calling for Lexa and she frowns, wondering why the man would be looking for Heda outside the library. She tips her head to the side, tensing all up at the prospect of being caught wandering all by herself by the Commander. She is sure Lexa would probably throw her out and demand answers of why an Azgeda warrior is snooping around.

What she doesn’t expect though, is the girl by her side to step back and shift her posture as well. Before Clarke can say anything, though, she hears her calling Titus back.

The blonde widens her eyes and her lips part in surprise because… That can’t be Lexa, right? This is just a maid who is going to help this man to find Heda. Right?

She opens her mouth to reply, or even ask the girl’s name, but then she is already by the door, asking about the ambassadorial dinner and fuck, Clarke sets her mouth shut in with a click of her teeth.

The possibility of this girl being Lexa was something that haven’t crossed Clarke’s mind. This girl looks young. Younger than her, even. Soft and smart and just not what she imagines Lexa to be. No, she shakes her head, this must be a Trikru ambassador at best.

She growls at the situation. At not knowing what to expect. At not having all the information necessary.

She waits a few more minutes, just to be safe, before stepping out of the library and making her way back to her chambers. Once there, she changes her dirty clothes into something that is a mix of Azgeda and Skaikru.

Her mind can’t stop working out the possibilities and scenarios, though. If the girl is just a maid, she wouldn’t have a problem. If she was an ambassador… Well, there is always the chance of her telling on Clarke. But if she is Lexa… No, there is no fucking way that this girl is the ruthless, cold hearted Commander. 

 

\--

 

The brunette sighs as she exits the library so she can find Titus waiting outside with his arms crossed, scolding her in a low tone that makes anger rise in her chest.

"I have plenty of time. Calm yourself down and allow me to get ready." She says in a sharper tone than she should and let's out a deep sigh. Lately the man has been constantly getting on her nerves and it has been extremely bothersome.

He grumbles something about how she should have gotten ready much earlier, but she just ignores him and makes her way down the heavily guarded halls and into her chambers where she really begins preparation.

She changes out of her simple clothes and into her armor instead. She will not be fighting tonight, but she wears her warpaint and battle gear as a sign of power. The shoulder guard and red cloak look huge draped over her thin frame but she seems used to carrying it's weight and still walking with grace.

Once she's dressed, she looks over at the door and calls for the guards to send in one of her hand maids because one of the few things she can't do to the proper standard is braid her own hair correctly. It never turns out just right so she always has someone else do it for special occasions.

It isn't rare that commanders have basically everything done for them by their maids, laundry, war paint, hair, bathing, but Lexa is so distrusting that she prefers to care for herself.

Her green eyes flick up as a young woman comes in and they greet each other casually while Lexa sits at the edge of her bed so they can speak quietly and allow the girl to work.

 

\--

 

On the other side of the hall, Clarke makes sure she has her switchblade carefully tucked on her thigh before stepping out of her room to knock on Nia’s and Ontari’s doors. Their guard is standing up by the queen’s chambers and she greets him with a small nod.

The man nods back stiffly and Clarke presses her lips into a thin line as she waits for both women to come out. It took her innumerous tries to make the Azgeda people less stoic, but eventually she got used to it. It’s just the way they were born and shaped. She respects that now.

Ontari is the first to come. She is well dressed, clean face, and with Azgeda fur around her neck. She looks good, not too formal, but not casual either, and like before, Clarke nods at her.

“Ambassador,” She greets the nightblooded girl respectfully, who just nods back at her and stands by her side until Nia comes out.

The woman looks regal as always and she doesn’t stop to greet either of them. Instead, she steps forward, already knowing too well the place and how to get on the dinner hall.

There aren’t many people in the table yet, and they make their way to sit down. Nia chooses to sit on the opposite side of the Heda’s empty chair and Clarke notices some murmurs around them.

It bother the blonde to have all eyes set on them, but she meets their glares with her own until they are averting their eyes away. She can’t help but to look around to see if she can catch the face of the girl from the library, but she has no success on that task. Maybe later, she thinks.

 

\--

 

Trirku sits on either side of the Commander's chair and are clearly not pleased when Nia sits directly across from her. They keep their mouths shut though and the tension could be cut with a knife.

Lexa finishes up getting ready in her room and Titus speaks with her about about his expectations and ideas that Lexa just nods her head and agrees with quietly. Despite him frustrating her, he still has a lot of knowledge that she knows she needs to respect.

With Titus walking next to her, she makes her way down the hall to where all the ambassadors should be waiting. Her chin is held high and black paint is designed carefully around her eyes. She wears the commander's scarf over her shoulder and it drags behind her gracefully as she walks. It's an appearance she wears often, but still not one that she is able to recognize herself in.

 

Titus opens the door for Lexa and she strides into the room, making the Trikru warriors instantly stand up first.

"All rise for your Commander." Gustus orders formally and Lexa hears the shuffle as they all adjust themselves to greet her. She walks to her place in the middle of the table and gazes among her, taking in all the new and familiar faces.

At the man’s commanding, Clarke stands like everyone. She has her closed off expression, emotions clear like water in her face. Her jaw is shut, her lips are curled down in an almost sneer and her brows are furrowed, as if she is ready to cut everyone’s throat at any second.

She is like a rock, though. All tense and squared shoulders and guarded stance. She waits until the figure comes into the hall and it takes her a few seconds to recognize the familiar green eyes and the tone that despite being firm and nothing like it sounded in the library, is still very unique.

Clarke doesn’t blink though, bottling up her surprise. She was played, she realizes, and her cheeks burn with anger. Lexa played her early and she fell for the innocent act of the Commander.

"Welcome." She speaks firmly and her voice echoes around the room. "I hope you all had suitable journeys here. Tonight, we feast and celebrate our partnership. Tomorrow in the morning we will have our meetings to discuss our differences. Enjoy."

 

Lexa speaks and carries herself with natural confidence and her green eyes land on Clarke, unable to help the amused twitch of her lip when she realizes this girl genuinely had no clue who she was.

 

Clarke almost growls. Her throat bobs a few times as she swallows down the impulse of calling her on it right then, and when the girl meet her eyes, she holds it back, tipping her chin up in challenging.

Once Lexa sits down, everyone follows suit and does the same. The small talk and quiet chat soon takes over and the mood is a bit less tense than it was before her appearance. Clarke barely eats, though. She doesn’t replies when Ontari tries to talk. She just keeps her eyes on the Commander the whole time. Glaring at her as if she could combust anytime.

She watches carefully as Lexa eats and gives her attention to everyone who speaks to her. She doesn’t quite smile, but there is an… Openness in her expression that makes her look genuine and honest and it’s a bit unsettling for Clarke to see it.

When she heard about the Commander, she had created this horrible image of the woman in her head that doesn’t match at all the reality.

She rethinks about their encounter in the library, trying to see if there was a way to know that she was talking with Lexa. But there was nothing that could give her away. Not even the moment when she touched the blade on her thigh. Thinking about it now, she frowns because there is no fucking way Lexa would have missed the act, and Clarke doesn’t know what to feel about this.

What is Lexa’s angle at letting her slip away with a weapon on her own? Why hadn’t she told Clarke who she was? Mind games, probably. She purses her lips again and shakes her head slightly. She is really, really looking forward to the meeting next day.

Across the table, it feels strange for Lexa to have Nia sitting across from her, but surprisingly, the queen's eyes are not the only ones that are glued onto her. She watches as the warrior from earlier is glaring at her and Lexa can't help but think that if looks could kill then she would be dead.

Lexa gazes back at the girl occasionally but it's not challenging, just curious. Green eyes watch piercing blue ones and she tries to gather some understanding of who the girl is.

Could she really be a sky person? Possibly a friend of Raven’s?

The commander's brow furrows at the thought and she decides that at some point she will bring it up and gauge the girl's reaction.

She can tell by how harsh the gaze of the blonde is that she is embarrassed and angry that Lexa hadn’t revealed herself earlier and Lexa understand why, but she doesn't have the chance to speak with people who don't know her title often, so it was a welcomed opportunity.

 

The dinner goes well and there are no altercations. As always, it is a bit awkward, but for the most part people feast in the joy of destroying the mountain.

She speaks quietly with Anya, who sits to her right, for the most of the dinner and she informs her that they must speak later. She doesn't want to speak about Clarke while the girl is sitting across from her but Anya seems to get that something has caught Lexa's attention and she agrees slowly.

The warriors sit and feast for about an hour before people are finished with their food and are just sitting speaking with each other. Everyone is tired from their journeys so Lexa stands up to get everyone's attention and excuses anyone who would like to go rest.

Many senior ambassadors remain seated to continue speaking with their friends from the other nations, but others stand up and bow their heads and thank her formally before starting to leave.

"I will be here for a while longer if anyone needs to discuss anything about the meeting tomorrow."

Clarke flicks her eyes to Nia to see what the queen will do, and when the woman just stands up and starts to leave without spearing a glance to Lexa, the blonde stands as well and waits for Ontari to follow.

She can’t help but to glabce at the Commander one more time before turning to guard the queen and the ambassador to their chambers in silence. Tiredness and sleepiness already heaving all of their shoulders as they crosses the corridor.

Clarke waits for Nia and Ontari to enter their room safely before she goes to her own. There, she decides to take a bath. It’s a quick one, but she enjoys the warm water on her tense muscles and how she is able to relax completely now that she is all by herself.

Still, her mind is on Lexa. Now that her anger has subsided, she doesn’t know what to make of what happened. The girl in the library is not like the one from the dinner, and definitely not the one she’s heard stories about. It’s like she had stripped down her layers and was… Raw.

The sky girl scolds and shakes her head as she dries her hair and her body up. She doesn’t bother putting Azgeda’s clothes this time, finding more comfort on the ones she’s brought from the Ark. They are hers and it’s exactly what she need.

She says on the big bed and stares at the ceiling for god knows how long. She tries to sleep, but she can’t stop replaying the moment with Lexa in her head. It starts to bother her, so she huffs and rolls her eyes at herself before standing up, putting on some shoes and stepping out of her room to make her way back to the library.

She doesn’t really know what she is doing until she is stepping inside the big dark room in silence. The only sound is from the door clicking shut behind her as she walks to the same spot Lexa had caught her earlier.

 

Clarke looks around her, the shelf she is leaning in is well crafted and she touches the details with her fingertips until a book catches her attention. Enemy of God, Bernard Cornwell. She remembers reading the trilogy years ago.

 

\--

 

In the dinning hall, Lexa doesn't have to stand around speak with people for long because no one approaches her with any problems. She chats politely but overall she just wants to go to her chambers and change out of theses clothes, so as soon as the others leave the dinner table, she stands up and walks after them.

Her chambers are on the top level of the tower apart from everyone else's and so she has a sense of privacy up there. She washes the paint off of her face with warm water and let's out hair out of the uncomfortable braids that they are in so her long locks fall in curls down her back.

She looks at herself in the mirror for a moment before taking off all of her gear and changing into clothes that she can sleep in, which is a long sleeved silk blouse and comfortable pants.

As always, she knows she won't be able to sleep the night before a meeting so she steps out of her room and into the quiet halls. She only has socks on her feet and she knows that she doesn't look professional right now, but this is her home and the ambassadors should all be in their rooms by this hour.

They had eaten dinner late so the sun has already set by now and her feet automatically carry her down a flight of stairs and into the library. She pushes open the large wooden door and then closes it behind her to assure her privacy before walking over to the window where she can see the sky and stars. 

 

With a small fond smile, Clarke takes the book out of the shelf and searches for her favorites passages until she tenses, stills and stops breathing when she hears the door being opened and closed. Quickly, she hides in the shadow and she looks around in the direction of she sound, hearing the thump of socked feet against the wooden floor.

 

There is a book Lexa has been reading sitting on a little table next to the chair and the brunette sits down in it with a sigh.

 

Clarke knows who it is even before her eyes find her. Lexa has hair down, waving over her back and shoulders, framing and softening her face. She looks comfortable and just as soft as she looked earlier when they have met here. It’s such a contrast from the Commander she had dinner with to this version before her eyes.

 

Lexa reaches to grab the novel, but a pain shoots up shoulder at the sharp movement and she flinches before reaching back and rolling it in a few careful circles to stretch it out.

In the mornings and late at night, the commander’s injuries always hurt the worse and she lets out a deep breath before leaning back and just gazing out the window for a minute.

 

\--

  
  


Clarke watches as the woman sitting down in a comfortable armchair and reaching for the book that is resting over the table close to it before flinching. The blonde raises an eyebrow at that because, well, it looks like Lexa is injured. The warrior in her will probably make use of that information in case everything goes as planned.

The healer in her, though…

She purses her lips and watches as the girl tries to soothe the pain moving the shoulder slowly before she can finally reach for the book and opening it to a marked page.

She tips her head to the side and decides to step out of the shadow with the book still in hands and one of her favorites quotes that is coincidentally highlighted.

 

“ _ ’You cannot command love, Lady, only beauty or lust does that. Do you want the world to be fair? Then just imagine a world with no kings, no queens, no lords, no passion and no magic. You would want to live in such a dull world? _ ’” She reads, her voice cutting the silence and echoing around the room.

She closes the book and she glances up to see Lexa’s slightly surprised face as she steps towards the girl with a quirk on her bow.

“Heda,” She says the title with a faint irony in her tone as she bows her head without breaking the eye contact. She sounds almost playfully, almost teasing. No, no. It is more provocative. Challenging.

The brunette nearly jumps when she hears the soft voice speaking up and her eyes go wide because there are very few times where she is off guard, but in this moment she is expecting privacy, not to be disturbed, she manages to hide the shock well though..

She purses her lips as Clarke steps forward and she relaxes just slightly because she should have suspected that the blonde would be returning to here despite their meeting earlier. She very slowly closes the book in her hands and looks up to meet the girl's blue eyes, staying silent as Clarke speaks her title in a condescending tone.

"I have no quarrel with you." She speaks tiredly in English and watches Clarke's face. The way they interact now is completely different then it had been earlier and she knows that Nia has told this girl things about her that are twisted and false, but she doesn't bring up the queen. Nothing she says will change this girl's opinion of her.

"And a few hours ago you had none with me. If you take issue with my leadership then I'm sure Nia and her pet will explain, but here in Polis we do not fight over our political opinions outside of the ambassador's hall." Her voice is firmer then it was before and her eyes watch Clarke almost skeptically.

"Now, go back to your chambers or speak to me in peace, but I've argued quite enough in the past days." Lexa is in no mood to fight with the girl about whatever problem she's got, but she also can not hide her curiously about who she is.

  
  


Clarke stays still for a moment. She blinks two times and then the corner of her lips curls up pleased by Lexa’s reaction. Without another word, she sits down in the other armchair, close to the one Lexa is seated.

She places the book over the table and looks out of the window to see the dark sky. From where they are they can’t see the moon, but the stars are bright and the sky is clear and if she were alone, she’d probably let herself feel homesick.

Lexa is tired, that much is clear, and she doesn’t look like she wanted to have company. Clarke purses her lips and turns her face to look at the girl, eyes boring the green ones for a long, long moment before she gives her a tiny nod.

“Lexa.” She says without the sharpness from before, acknowledging that while they are here, the girl is just a girl.

 

The brunette takes a deep breath and feels a sense of satisfaction that Clarke has decided to stay. She almost flinches when she hears her name because it's so rare for anyone to call her that anymore. In private, Anya and Gustus do, but they are the only ones. Her eyebrows furrow slightly but she doesn't dislike it, it's only different.

When the brunette nods back at her, Clarke flicks her eyes back to the sky, embracing the quiet between them after the silent peace agreement. She doesn’t relax, per se. After all, she is walking on a thin line just to be sharing the same space with Lexa, alone, without Nia knowing.

The thing is, she knows that there always two sides of a story. She is sure that, in Lexa’s head, she is the main character. The good guy. And she is sure that the girl is not made of pure evil – as she had heard some stories around Azgeda villages.

It doesn’t mean she did not commit crimes, and whatever the reason she had to do what she did, Clarke is sure nothing justifies butchering entire families or giving no support system to Azgeda clan.

But again, Clarke is a curious creature. Like stated before, she seeks knowledge. She wants to understand, she wants a reason. She wants to put the pieces together. To solve the puzzle that Lexa is. (She still has a duty to fulfill, though. And Lexa will fall.)

 

While they sit in the quiet Lexa watches how the girl acts. She seems to calm down a little bit and let some time of the tension slip away, which makes Lexa sigh deeply.

"What's your name?" She speaks up and decides that she will talk with this girl in English while they are in private because it will be easier for her.

Her eyes are soft and she runs her fingers through her hair, brushing it to the side and over her shoulder. The commander looks younger like this, with her features less fierce from the lack of war paint and the bags under her eyes not hidden.

All she has had the last month is stress from the mountain and her injured warriors and risk of conflict between the clans. For once she just wants a week of peace, but she won't get that as commander and she's aware of that.

She reaches up and rubs at the base of her right shoulder gently, relaxing the sore muscle.

Clarke raises an eyebrow at the question and she thinks it’s interesting the fact that she knows so much about Lexa – No, about Heda, she corrects herself, while the girl knows nothing about her.

She licks her dried lips and slips her tongue over her white teeth before turning to face Lexa again with wrinkled eyes and a slight smirk on her lips. “So are we playing ‘Questions’ now?” She asks with a throatily chuckle before remembering that the grounders doesn’t know about this game.

So she shakes her head and waves a hand, not giving Lexa a chance to reply. “I’m Clarke,” She says with her chin up, eyes falling down on the girl’s injured shoulder before glancing up to meet her eyes again. “And I can help.” The words slips from her mouth and she frowns at herself, surprised that she’s offering such assistance.

She knows she shouldn’t. She knows that while they are in a grey zone where they are both just Lexa and Clarke, this is not their reality. Outside this room Lexa is Heda, Clarke is an Azgeda warrior, and she has to fight for her people to have a chance to live in peace.

But. She tips her head to the side and muses about it for a second. This will be the last night for one of them. If Lexa accepts Nia’s challenge, tomorrow by this time one of them will be dead. So, why not indulge, right? Why not strip her layers down and have this one moment where she is simply Clarke, daughter of Jake and Abby, chess player and artlover?

With that in mind, she turns at Lexa again with a honest tiny smile as she let herself really look at the brunette for a moment as she waits for her reply. 

Lexa nods slightly when she hears Clarke's name and she gazes over her, connecting the name to the girl. When she hears Clarke's offer for help, she raises her eyebrows slightly in confusion. It's only when the blonde nods at her shoulder that she realizes what she's talking about.

The commander swallows hard and wonders for a moment if Clarke is trying to play some sort of a game or fool her somehow and she sets her jaw.

If this girl was able to notice her pain just from the way she handles herself and is confident enough to offer to help, she very likely has some idea what she's doing with healing, but Lexa is skeptical.

"Give me the knife first." There isn't any room for negotiation in her tone, and when she sees that Clarke appears to stiffen at this, she goes on to explain. "So I know that you don't intend to stab me to death when you approach me."

Her words are crude but she doesn't flinch at them because this is a reality she lives with every day. She can never accept help or trust someone without considering what their alternative motives might be.

She holds out her hand and waits patiently, unsure that the warrior is actually going to comply to her request.


	4. Chapter 4

The smile on Clarke’s face fades immediately at Lexa’s comment and she tenses up. She looks between the hand and Lexa’s face and for a moment she doesn’t budge.

She knows Lexa has a reason for not trusting her getting close with a knife on her, but neither does she trusts the girl to hold her knife when they are alone and away from everyone’s chambers. From all the stories she’s heard about Lexa, she doesn’t doubt she could end up dead if she hands her knife over.

So she works her jaw in thought, a deep frown between her brows as she bores her eyes into Lexa’s. Keeping the eye contact, she reaches for the blade carefully, with slow and smooth movements. Once it is out, she hold it in her hand and plays with it for a second.

“No,” She replies just as firmly and watches Lexa’s reaction before she places the knife over the table, not too far, but not close either, just keeping it at sight.

“It’s your shoulder. Your pain.” She says with a shrug, making it clear that she doesn’t really care if Lexa accepts the help or not, but she definitely won’t be handling the blade to her. 

Lexa watches how the girl sets the weapon down and she's impressed that Clarke didn't try to lie. She isn't a coward, that's for sure. She considers what the girl says and she knows that she could reach forward and snatch up the knife but it would end in a fight, she is certain of that.

"Yes, you're right. It's my shoulder, however you were the one who offered to help. Show me your intentions are pure and toss the knife away for a few minutes if you don't trust me to hold it." Lexa's voice isn't commanding, it's still extremely calm and she just watches how the blonde takes the orders.

"It's punishable by death for you to carry that in Polis. Let alone in my tower. Law orders you to be arrested and killed immediately, yet all I ask is for you to get rid of it while you are here with me. I don't think I'm being unreasonable." Her green eyes meet Clarke's blue ones and she tilts her head slightly.

"It's your choice but if you truly think that you can ease my pain, I would..." She purses her lips slightly, clearly not keen on accepting assistance, especially from someone that she knows so little about. "I would most certainly appreciate your help. I won't threaten to turn you in for your weapon because it's not worth the conflict it would cause with Azgeda, so it's your choice to make."

Clarke frowns at Lexa’s words and she shakes her head because all of this is unbelievable. She being here with the Commander; her offering help, and the whole scene that Lexa is making over a fucking blade that she isn’t even holding on herself anymore.

For a second she is glad she will be able to throw some punches at this girl face because fuck, she is such a prissy. 

“Whatever, Lexa.” She rolls her eyes and shrugs again, back leaning against the chair as she leaves the knife over the table. She is gambling with her life right now, because Lexa would have the upper hand in case they end up fighting.

“Thought we were leaving politics outside this room,” She says sharply with a deep frown and lips curling down. “I offered because I am a fucking human being,” She shakes her head again, but her tone is calm and resigned, as if she is asking herself what the fuck did she expected from the almighty Heda, after all? “But hey, as I said, it’s your shoulder. The blade is over there and forgive me if I don’t trust you to hold it.”

She snaps her eyes back at the girl and for a moment she opens and closes her mouth before shutting it close, judging not wise to keep arguing with the Commander. 

Lexa tenses when she hears how Clarke speaks to her like that and she opens her mouth to snap back and argue but she manages to hold herself back even though she clearly is angered by Clarke's lack of respect. She looks at the blade on the table and then sighs deeply.

She considers simply standing up and leaving, or threatening Clarke that she better do as she's ordered, but instead she just sets her jaw and forces herself to appear unbothered.

"Fine then." Lexa speaks through gritted teeth and for a moment it appears that she will demand Clarke leaves this moment, but she doesn't. She just stares at the girl and swallows her anger in hopes that whatever the blonde wants to do is in good reason.

"Leave the knife on the table and help, Klark." The name taste foreign on Lexa's tongue and she clicks the 'K' in it naturally before raising an eyebrow and waiting for the girl to stand and come to her.

Part of her is unsure that the warrior will even agree to give her help after their confrontation but even if she's stubborn, she knows that she needs it. If her shoulder hasn't healed after almost a month, then she doubts that it is going to get better on her own.

Trikru healers know how to treat wounds, but not the soreness and burning pain that she feels in her muscles when she extends her arm out too far.

She watches Clarke carefully and reaches back to rub at her shoulder blade. It is usually bruised or swollen after any sort of training and even when she tries to rest, it remains sore, so at this point she has decided that she will just have to live with it.

Clarke doesn’t say anything else after Lexa asks her help. She notices how the girl says her name in Trikru accent and it’s… Different. It’s not like Azgeda says it either. She glances at the knife on the table and purses her lips before nodding and standing up to go to her. She watches as the girl carefully and Clarke frowns in concentration, remembering things she’s learnt from her mother books.

Her eyes wander over Lexa’s exposed neck, catching a partial tattoo that is mostly covered by her hair. She bites the back of her cheeks and places a careful hand on Lexa’s shoulder, and she is surprised to feel the girl’s skin warmth through the fabric of her shirt.

“What happened?” She asks because in order for her to actually be able to help, she must know what exactly caused the injury.

With her thumb, she applies pressure to different points around the shoulder, testing to see if Lexa would groan or show some sort of pain. She doesn’t feel any swelling under her touch, but she can’t be sure since she can’t have a proper look at the shoulder without asking for the other girl to strip.

Lexa stiffens but doesn't pull away, simply biting her lip to hide her pain.

The brunette watches the blonde out of the corner of her eye to make sure she doesn't do anything threatening and it pleased to see how Clarke seems to have relaxed.

She considers Clarke's question about how it happened and she doesn't want to answer because any admit of defeat is weakness, yet she understands why Clarke ask. She parts her lips to answer, but she feels a press directly on the edge of her shoulder blade where she hurts the most and she hisses before pulling away slightly, making it clear that the pressure causes her pain . She can see the slight apologetic look from Clarke and she hesitantly leans back again.

"I got it fighting the mountain about a month ago." She speaks tensely and pulls her hair over one shoulder so it's out of the way. "I was knocked on the ground and struck multiple times with the hilt of a gun."

She remembers the fight well and how her and one of the mountain men had been struggling for the weapon but neither of them had a good enough grip on it to be able to shoot. It was the grounder's first time witnessing that kind of weapon and the memories still make her flinch.

Many of her warriors were left dead because healers had no idea how to treat the bullet wounds without the patient bleeding out.

The shirt she wears hangs loosely and she adjust it to one side to let it slip down her wounded shoulder so that Clarke can see it better. "I do not think you will be able to do anything about it." She explains in a quiet voice.

Clarke pulls her hand back just enough for Lexa’s shirt to fall down over her arm, exposing her shoulder.

She would like to have a better view of it, but at this time the library is just too dark and the candles and the moon’s light are not enough. Still, she can see come fading bruises and old scars on the girl’s skin and she traces them mindlessly.

Lexa is right, though. There is nothing she can do because her shoulder wasn’t healed properly. By the way the girl described what happened, Clarke is sure she had cracked her shoulder blade.

If she had treated it the right way since the start, she would have been able to recover quickly and without sequels. But an old bad healed injury? No way. Clarke won’t be able to help, indeed.

She presses her lips in a thin line as she thinks about ways to lessen the pain and works her fingers on Lexa’s shoulder in a firm but slow and precise massage.

“I’m guessing you were moving your arm as if nothing happened the next day, right?” She asks with a quirked eyebrow, but the question is rhetorical. “It has been a month. I can’t do much but to tell you what to do for the pain to be more bearable, if you want.”

Lexa swallows hard and inhales deeply as Clarke gently rub over the sore muscles in her shoulder. It hurts, but she also knows that it will lessen the pain in the morning.

Lexa nods her head at Clarke's question and sighs deeply because she knows that she shouldn't have pushed herself so hard after her shoulder was giving her pain but she refused to just sit and do nothing for such a long time.

"How can I lessen the pain then?" She questions and gazes over her shoulder at the blonde, not able to help the disappointment she feels that this girl isn't going to be able to heal her.

Lexa allows herself to relax and she tilts her head down as the tension visibly slips away from her now that she seems to have realized that Clarke isn't going to try to harm her. She's still on guard, but it seems like part of her tense barrier has fallen away.

"Training has caused me too much pain in the last few weeks and I need to be able to numb it so that I can begin working with the nightblood children again. And fighting amongst my warriors." She adds on and watches Clarke's expression, not even really paying much attention to the comment.

She doesn't consider that this girl is ice nation and could try to manipulate her with the knowledge and she doesn't consider the probably of backlash, she just speaks honestly as if Clarke was one of her healers.

Clarke hums and she nods as she works on the hard knots. The skin uncovered by scars is smooth and warm, but the muscles are tense – Not that she is surprised by that. Hers are probably just as tense, too.

She presses a careful thumb against the blade where it was probably cracked and she tries to feel the bone under her touch until Lexa hisses again and she rubs her thumb over her skin, soothing the pain absently.

“Physiotherapy exercises,” She says, pulling Lexa’s shirt up again and stepping back. “They will hurt in the beginning and you may find them boring. But if you do it every morning after sleeping, for ten or fifteen minutes, it should get easy and the pain might lessen.”

She walks back to the chair and looks around. The library is huge and she is sure there must be a book with instructions for physiotherapy sessions.

“You must have a book somewhere here that may help,” She says, tipping her chin at the large and tall shelves. “You might need help with some of them, so I suggest you find someone you trust.” She looks back at Lexa, who seems more relaxed after the massage.

“Ice helps, sometimes.” She says after a pause. “If the pain is too much, or if you ever get hit on it again, you put ice. It will burn first, but you will have to suck it up and take it.” She runs her fingers through her hair and looks out of the window again. “And if you start the exercises, don’t stop. Have a schedule for that and take it seriously, no matter how silly some of them may seem.”

Lexa listens very closely to what Clarke tells her and she nods her head. Her shoulder feels less sore at least temporarily and she just lets her eyes gaze over the warrior with curiosity.

The girl seems stubborn and determined but not provocative. By now, she appears to have relaxed, but she wonders if the demeanor of respect will stay, or leave with them as soon as they exit this room. Her eyebrows furrow at the thought and she leans herself back in her chair, her green eyes searching Clarke.

"Thank you. I appreciate what you have helped me with today." She rolls her shoulder in a few slow circles and then turns to look over at all the books on the shelves. "I will order some of my men to look through the shelves and see if they can find a book about it."

She is confident that they will be able to find one and she can only hope that it makes her feel better like Clarke is suggesting.

In the sky outside the window, the moon shines brightly and Lexa can't help but think about how late it must be getting and she still hasn't slept. She should at least lay down and try to get some rest, so she lets out a deep sigh and closes the book that she hadn't even been reading to set it on the table.

"I am going to go to my chambers to rest." She speaks up after a minute of silence. "These ambassador meetings always give me stress. I try, but no matter what I do, I can never appease every clan. None of them even think about what I did at the mountain, they just argue and fight for more territory or new rules." She rubs her temples tiredly and it's clear that she's only talking to Clarke about this because she needs to speak to someone and in this moment the girl is acting more like a friend or advisor than anything else.

Clarke stays quiet, listening to Lexa’s tired ramble and she purses her lips in thought. It’s still baffling that this is the Commander she’s heard about since she landed. The murderer, stone heart Heda. She nods, acknowledging the girl’s words and she let her eyes wander over her face and posture for a moment. The girl looks exhausted. Beautiful, but exhausted.

“Tea help with stress. Good sleep pattern, too. And the exercises will help when you start them.” She suggests when Lexa rubs her temples and she knows that the girl is only talking to her about those things – showing weakness, as Nia would say – because she is too tired to think it through.

She then stands up, catches the book she brought from the shelf and fixes her gaze on Lexa’s as she stretches her arm to take her knife and put it back on her thigh. Her movements are slow, giving it time for Lexa to stop her if she wants. When the Commander makes no objection, Clarke breathes better and she is more relaxed now that she has a way to protect herself.

It’s a shame that she will have to kill Lexa the next day, she thinks. Then she frowns at herself for her thoughts.

She takes a step away from the chair she was seated and then she turns at Lexa again. “I’m not pure ice nation, you know. I'm Skaikru, as Azgeda calls us.” She tells her honestly since for one of them this is their last night alive and she figures she might as well be honest. She then lifts her index finger up. “We came from the Sky.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there everyone! So it has been forever since we updated this but we are going to try to be more regular. We were pretty honest at first when we said that this is not our main story and therefore updates will be less frequent, but it will be more often then it used to be. Thank you for all the support on this story. I am glad you all seem to like it. Comments and Kudos let us know that you guys are interested and want to see more, so please don't forget them. :)


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